ghts from the ammoline // (Scott Johnson).

Ammo Grrrll considers THE PRODUCERS’ RUN FOR OFFICE. She writes:

Recently, I read that Maxine Wassers (D-Cal. Maxine Waters (D-Cal), the violence-encouraging Representative to Life, gave her daughter $8,000 from leftover campaign funds. Shocked, I am. NOT. Two things. One, it was probably not the first time. Two, you could add at most one or several zeroes to that amount and still be correct. In Grifter World, $8,000 is pocket money for politicians, or one meal at French Laundry, Napa Valley.

Two, the chances that the daughter will give it back are slim to none. Ms. Ms. Waters is an elderly, mostly white, rich black woman who doesn’t live in the district that she “represents.”

It didn’t matter that Mad Max said that Trump-hating people needed to “get in [our] faces” and “chase [us] out [of] restaurants and away [from] gas pumps” etcetera. This was not a private email to a friend 15-years ago or an off-the–cuff comment that was picked up by a hot microphone. She said it loudly and clearly and meant every word. Her provocative remarks, which were not at all categorized as a threat to Our Precious DemocracyTM, earned her cheers from everyone.

But I see that I have already diverted from my main point for today. I believe that winning or losing an electoral election is a way of accumulating undreamed wealth to distribute to everyone with the least oversight. Coolio!

This gave me an idea. Remember Mel Brooks’s amazing movie The Producers. It debuted in 1967 so it’s not a spoiler. But here’s the basic plot: Zero Mostel, a failed theatrical producer Max Bialystock, is Zero Mostel. He is also an elderly gigolo, who seduces wealthy widows to get money. He meets Leo Bloom, a nebbish accountant played brilliantly by Gene Wilder.

They know that if they get investors to fund a play, and it succeeds, then you owe them some money. But, if your play is closed on opening night, investors are either SOL or Suddenly Outta Luck. If there aren’t any profits, you can’t divide them up.

They find the WORST play ever written in the history of the genre. It was written by a deranged German Nazi and directed by an extreme transvestite. It’s only 23 years since the Allies defeated “literal” Nazism. The play is called Springtime for Hitler. Did I mention that it’s a musical? It will open in New York City, where there are some Jews who might harbor grudges. Zany madcap comedy ensues, and then disaster strikes . Uh-oh.

This brought me to mind Beto O’Rourke who is a fake Mexican boy-child, and who took his nickname and rode in on a skateboard. What’s not to love? Liz Cheney was also a thought. She knew she was anathema to her hoodwinked constituents so she could have retired and stopped pretending to know anything about Wyoming. But what’s the fun? She ran anyway, grabbing a lot of Democrat money and encouraging her Wyoming Democrat supporters to re-register as Republicans in the primaries.

Both candidacies ended in failure, the Betomaniac for the THIRD, but who knows how much money this professional loser was allowed keep? In her six-year tenure, Cheney had already managed a net worth of $6million and somewhere between $10-44million (according to the range she reported). This was an amazing feat. Man, that was a great trick! We are happy with what we have, but there are many people I would love help.

So, I am considering running for political office. However, I have to be certain that I have no chance of winning. But I have access to Zuckerbucks Filthy Lucre and Soros Filthy Money. Perhaps I will run in Yavapai County, Arizona, as a leftwing nutjob. Red since 1942!

I will legally change my name from D’LaShoshanna Maria to something more appealing to all ethnicities, such as D’LaShoshanna O’Leary. I will also present an outrageous agenda that Hollywood and billionaires will accept and lavish money on. Tons of money. Blizzards of cash. But – I cannot stress this enough – I will run, but (God forbid), never winning.

My problem will be the exact same one that sunk Max or Bloom. I need a platform so outrageous that I have no chance of winning. This is very difficult in today’s marketplace of ideas, which has become an asylum of ideas. Drop Boxes are available every 15 feet to create a new landscape.

Little Katie Hobbs, the cowardly abortion mouse (hat tips Ace of Spades and Goober-natorial contender) from Arizona, avoided all debates with her opponent Kari Lake. Boy howdy, not me. I would love to have dozens of debates in order to display my complete lunacy.

I would wear a hoodie backwards! — over a strange lump on my forehead. No problem. No problem.

I advocate for abortions that are free up to the age of two, followed by a short hiatus and more legal retroactive terminations when the little rugrats reach their teens. That’s a great idea. Max Bialystock said that Bloom had stated that they couldn’t murder the actors of the play. “Have one ever eaten with one?” This is a double-deal for teenagers, especially for boys. Planned Parenthood would likely give me a large donation.

I support a bill for In utero “Gender affirming Care” to help the baby determine his preferred gender and make the necessary changes before he or she is born. It’s only a matter of time

Another plank would include weekly COVID booster vaccines, triple masks, and 50 feet social distancing at any time, even in your own home. This would help to reduce unwanted Gaia-destroying infants. Are you ready for some sweet Pfizer cash?

I support open borders and universal voting for all who can swim or crawl to a Drop Box located in Arizona, Texas, or California. I support banning all vehicles, except electric buses, and banning all planes except for private jets. “Stay put, y’all! WE will decide when and if you should leave your home.

My “common sense gun laws” would include confiscation of all Weapons of War, such as bolt-action.22 rifles, bb guns and cap pistols. No magazines that contain more than 2 rounds are allowed. To kill a loved one or yourself for the good of the planet, you don’t need more than two rounds. A $500 surtax for every box of ammunition

These are great plans for causing havoc with the half of your fellow Americans who have become domestic terrorists, rednecks and white supremacists. That’s the carrot. But what about the carrot, though? But where are the bribes, you ask? Don’t worry. I will retroactively pay off all Student Loans for every American who has ever attended college, even those who only claim to have. What is this different from women in dresses who claim they are a woman? SAYING something is “living your truth” and it counts as reality.

This is my new plan to get unspeakably rich.

The challenge will be to propose crazy enough things to win. For God’s sake, please don’t vote for me. Send money. Send lots and lots of money. Good evening, and thank you.