ghts from the ammoline // (Scott Johnson).

Ammo Grrll is certain about it: YOU BET IT IS WEIRD! She writes:

A young Japanese man fulfilled his lifelong dream to become a Collie. He spent $13,000 to purchase a Collie costume. He can walk on all fours with the costume and be led by a leash. Seriously. Instead of spending $13,000 on a leash for the poor kid, he could have married a leftist feminist. Sometimes, the Mean Girls come with a nice handbag to hold all your dangly bits.

You’ve probably seen these tyrants and how they treat the men in their lives. It’s mortifying. Joe and I were friends with one who was the ex-wife a mutual friend. Joe is a Merry Prankster, and he enjoyed torturing her while we were together by asking me for a sammich. He would let steam out of her ears, especially when he sent it back for the crusts to be cut off. It was good times.

The Japanese man said that he was afraid to tell his family and friends about the Collie incident lest they consider him “weird”. Japan does not value weirdness. The nail that sticks up is the one that gets pounded . This is a popular saying. You can turn yourself into a dog by flippin’ up-stickin’ nails.

The photos show that it was a beautiful Collie costume. But, yes, it’s weird, kid! It’s yours! It isn’t weird to walk with a dog on a lead. Why even use the word “weird?” Standing straight was not only a boon to chiropractors but a huge step forward for humanity. It’s easy to see! You can even trim your opposable thumbs!

We know that earning a living as dogs is difficult unless you are a shepherd or a sled dog. (I would be willing to pay a lot of money to see one of these loons pull the sled…hopefully with Lizzo and all The View gals.)

I remember wearing a Golden Retriever costume to work as a secretary at IBM in 1967. The right-wing, anti-election “canophobes” thought it was strange and interfered with my typing skills. Yes, I could increase my speed with four paws. The ACCURACY dropped to a shocking degree! “Susan, are you expecting us to send this out?” BLiyvvvv!”

“I told Susan that Susan was my dead name.” Call me, Duke.

Talk about sexual harassment! They thought they could just pet me, despite my obvious Working Dog sign. I decided to quit my job as a waitress and pursue a different career. However, people were very upset that their BLT had slobber from being in my mouth. The tips were horrible!

It is shocking to see how common the desire to live as an animal life is among young men who would have benefited greatly from a stint with the Marine Corps. During a major war. Is it fleeing the terrible responsibility of working, let along supporting a spouse and children? Is it mass psychosis Is it a race to bottom?

It seems that there is a major trend in people wanting to be “furries.” (See? The phenomenon even has a cute name. The Japanese guy can call himself “Lassie” to his heart’s desire. They were all called Lassie in the series, even the boys dogs. However, it must have required some “tucking.” He can pay someone to use a pooch-scooper while he walks about. He might learn to retrieve Timmy, a cute, but cretinous, and fetch a stick.

Boy Howdy, I am as open-minded as anyone! I don’t want to be forced into pretending that this is “normal.” I have enough to do.

One woman I know has had a lot of surgery to transform herself into “Barbie.” This is about as bizarre as being a doggie. Barbie and her silly Dream House are “ultra-weird” to me, but that’s probably just my opinion. Barbie is a multi-gazillion-dollar franchise. It’s possible that my opinion could be an exception for those who are assigned to me as a female.

Ah, for a return back to the comfortable conformity of 1950’s when you barely had to do anything unusual to be considered “eccentric”. For a description of a typical sitcom plotline, go to an old TV Guide: “Harold grows his mustache!” Hilarity follows. This is Harold, the crazy Harold! What will he do next?

Andy Griffith invited Andy to three different meals in one day. Every meal he had was Spaghetti with Oregano. Yes, oregano. It was a spice so exotic that it was well worth a mention. Sheesh. Mama had 12 spices that were suitable for Midwestern blandness: ginger, chili powder cinnamon, nutmeg. There was no Turmeric or saffron — but there was oregano.

Did you ever see that college kid who wanted to be different from the rest? He wasn’t attractive enough, smart enough, athletic enough, funny enough, or kind enough to be noticed. He started to smoke Gauloise cigarettes and wore a beret. At minimum, he would have had to declare himself a nonbinary vegan with blue hair, Comanche ancestry, and who has ADHD, Bulimia, or at least hypoglycemia.

The level of weirdness is steadily increasing. Yes, I do. We Geezer-Americans can look back at old photos of our bell bottoms, flip hairdos, leisure suits, disco dresses, and be embarrassed to point fingers. We never had “Bell Bottom Story Hour For Toddlers.”

I see Rachel Levine/Woman of the Year/Admiral in Fleet, Sam “Samsonite”, Brinton and a host others and I just want you to know that I am sorry. You’re not cool. You’re not even interesting. It’s all silly, stupid, and unserious. You will be remembered for not being the “courage” that everyone keeps talking about, but for your absurdity. That’s your best option. Wait until this generation mutilated children awakens from their fever dream fad to discover that their cowardly parents and lunatic teachers encouraged them to undergo permanent chemical and surgical castingration. There will be a huge butcher’s bill. And I can stand tall and say, “I didn’t do it.” It was a fight I fought at every turn.”