The late night comedy show’s men used their Monday programs as a last chance to make a pitch to voters to vote Democrat. They delivered a series of satirical Christmas songs, literal alarms about abortion, and a variety of anti-Republican diatribes.
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! host Molly McNearney interrupted her anti-Herschel Walker ramblings by uttering, “Because tomorrow’s Election Day.” And abortion rights in 26 states are in danger or gone. Despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of this nation supports a woman’s rights to choose,
Doing her best Elizabeth Banks impression, she asked, “Everytime you have sex is it your intention to have children?”
McNearney continued:
Six out of ten (six out ten) women who have had an abortion have children at home. They are aware of the difficulty involved. Ninety-two per cent of abortions are performed within the first 13 weeks. Many women who have to have an abortion after their first trimester are faced with health issues that could lead to the death of their baby. About half of women who have an abortion live below the poverty level.
Democrats still believe that 15-week bans that exclude the mother from life are extreme. McNearney did have some self-awareness and said, “I’m sorry.” Do you expect this to be funny? It’s not funny.”
McNearney concluded her spiel by pleading with viewers: “I’m here with this dumb alarm asking for you guys to love abortion. I’m asking you to love women enough and to trust women enough that they can make difficult decisions, and to vote for those who will make it happen tomorrow. Our daughters shouldn’t have to fight the same battles as our grandmothers.
Stephen Colbert, host of The Late Show, kicked off his Election Day Eve show with a video featuring satirical Christmas songs. The singers performed, “Have your own gerrymandered districts,” “I’m dreaming about a white turnout,” and “It’s starting to look a lot more like fascists.”
Other items included were “Oh Q’anon, ohQ-anon Joe Biden is an lizard” as well as “Here comes Doctor Oz, here comes Dr. Oz talking to crudite.” There was also a promotion for a free copy “How the Grinch Stole Democracy.”
We don’t know if someone was run over by John Fetterman, or if Mandela Barnes performed O Little Town of Moscow and its spinoff O Little Town of Tehran.
Later, Seth Meyers, NBC’s Late Night host, lamented that Republicans don’t have a plan for solving the country’s problems.
Yes, but none of these are bills. We all can name the issues we know. We are asking for solutions. The doctor doesn’t just tell you what’s wrong, but he also addresses the root cause. “We have to do something about your gallbladder. That heart is no good, plus a lot of your bones are out-of-place, and you need to get a new kidney. Good luck with all that. I’m going under the sign at the gas station to hang out with the other doctors’.”
It’s ironic, since Democrats try to defend themselves by claiming they are the victims of a global economic system. Meyers said, “So, once more Republicans are making promises that they clearly have no intention of keeping.” How many times will we have to do this dance with the GOP before learning that they lie?
Despite an interview with Jen Psaki, former White House press secretary, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon managed somehow to be the least partisan.
Psaki will be part of MSNBC’s Election Night coverage. She said that Rachel Maddow could make paint look exciting… She was also watching Nicolle Wallace who I was watching while I was at the White House because she would tell you what was happening in Department of Justice even though I worked there.
She’s not wrong. MSNBC’s coverage will be interesting, but not for the reasons Psaki might think.
Kimmel was sponsored in part by Samsung, Colbert at McDonald’s, Meyers at Target, and Fallon, T-Mobile.
Here are transcripts from the November 7th shows:
CBS The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
11/7/2022
11:35 PM ET
NARRATOR: Election season is the most wonderful time in the year. On this election eve you can listen to all your favorite election music with “A very Merry Midterms.” You’ll hear all the greats like
SINGER: Get a gerrymandered area.
I dream of a white turnout.
I saw mommy kissing Herschel, and then he gave her 700 dollars.
It’s starting to look a lot more like fascists.
NARRATOR: And many more.
SINGERS: Oh Q’anon, ohQ-anon Joe Biden is a lizard.
SINGER: Dr. Oz is here, Dr. Oz is talking about crudite.
NARRATOR: Order today to receive a free copy, had How the Grinch Stole Democracy.
…
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
11/7/2022
11:43 PM ET
JIMMY KIMEL: [Siren] Oh. This is Molly, my wife. What are you doing?
MOLLY McNEARNEY: Jimmy, I’m ringing the alarm.
KIMMEL – I didn’t know there was an alarm.
MCNEARNEY: We do. I didn’t either. It was backstage.
KIMMEL : Okay, so why are you sounding the alarm that you found backstage?
MCNEARNEY: Tomorrow is Election Day. 26 states have a ban on abortion rights or are in danger of losing them. Even though the overwhelming majority in this country supports a woman’s freedom to choose, Let me ask you a question. Is it your intention to have children every time you have sex?
AUDIENCE: No!
KIMMEL: No. I wait until you eat a gum and then I try to snuggle in.
MCNEARNEY – That question was not for you, but for them.
KIMMEL: Oh, sorry. I didn’t.
MCNEARNEY – Thank you very much. Being a mother is both the best and hardest job on the earth. I don’t think anyone can force a woman who doesn’t want this job to do it for her. Six out of ten of the ten women who have had an abortion have children at home. They are aware of the difficulty involved.
Ninety-two per cent of abortions occur within the first 13 weeks. Many women who have to have an abortion after their first trimester are faced with health issues that could lead to the death of their baby. About half of women who have an abortion live below the poverty level.
I’m sorry. Are you expecting it to be funny? It’s not funny. They don’t possess the resources to have another child and they don’t own the means to travel to another state for health care.
Only the woman can make life-saving and potentially life-altering decisions for her body and life. We need men to help. I’m not here to alarm you about the need to love abortion. I’m asking you to love women enough and to trust women enough that they can make difficult decisions. And to vote for those who will make it happen tomorrow. Our daughters shouldn’t have to fight the same battles as their grandmothers. Thank you for your time.
KIMMEL: We are grateful.
…
NBC Late Night With Seth Meyers
11/8/2022
12:44 AM ET
SETH MEYERS (Yes, but none of these are bills. We can all identify issues we know. We’re looking for solutions. The doctor doesn’t just tell you what’s wrong, but he also addresses the root cause. “We have to do something about your gallbladder. That heart is no good, plus a lot of your bones are out-of-place, and you need to get a new kidney. Good luck with all that. I’m going under the sign at the gas station to hang out with the other doctors’.”
Republicans have made promises that they don’t intend to keep yet again. How many times will we have to do this dance with Republicans before we realize that they are lying? They did the exact same thing with Obamacare almost a decade ago. They claimed that Obamacare must be repealed, that it was their top priority, and that they had an alternative solution that would be better, cost less, and provide great health care for everyone.
…
NBC The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
11/8/2022
12:18 AM ET
JIMMY FLONON: All I’ve seen and read is – is it predicting a red-wave for tomorrow?
JEN PSAKI – Doesn’t it sound so dark? It’s — it is a little bit-it reminds of Game of Thrones or some such thing.
FALLON: The red waves, yes.
PSAKI: The red tide is coming. Here’s the deal — tomorrow night, I’m going with this amazing group who have been covering election coverage — Rachel Maddow could make paint seem thrilling.
FALLON: Yeah, she’s great.
PSAKI: She is, you know, she and Nicolle Wallace. I remember her watching me when I was at the White House because she would tell us what was happening at the Department of Justice even though I was there.
So, I get the chance to sit down with them. We won’t know until 6:00 P.M. We will not know what happens at 2:00 A.M. or at 3:00 A.M. At 4:00 A.M. we have to continue the story and see where people vote and turn out.
There will be surprises during the election. This is what makes the election so exciting. The good news is that turnout has increased in many places across the country. It is already at record levels in Georgia.
FALLON: That’s amazing!
PSAKI: Record numbers of young people are graduating from high school. People often downplay the involvement and engagement of those under 30. I can tell you that those are the people who are most passionate about the issues that matter.
